Friday, March 27, 2009

House for sale!!!!!!

Ever in keeping with our transient lifestyle , Tattoo Man & I have decided once again to stick a For Sale sign on the front lawn & haul ass to the country!!

Fact of the matter is that 1700sq ft of living space + a basement (800+ additional sq ft) is WAY more space than we need for 3 of us & we would rather have something smaller with a bigger lot!

Yes, Tattoo Man is willing to tend the lawn (of course he will require a ride on mower or a goat!!)



Personally I just want less rooms to clean & cheaper heating bills.



Of course there is the issue of busing to school!!

What self respecting parent really wants to show up at school every morning looking like a cross between Alice Cooper & Ru Paul complete with pyjamas, (or is that just me?) when the little darling can hop on the big yellow bus at the end of the road leaving me free to drink tea & blog!!



Theoretically the selling part is easy. That's why we employed a REALTOR!

Finding an appropriate replacement however, is a total pain in the arse.

I would like 2 bathrooms, NOT 1 1/2.......... 2! I would also like a walk in closet (OK, so not a requirement but it's what I would like!).

I would like to have a pool too , but seriously is it really necessary to purchase a property just because it has a hole in the ground filled with water, that you can (possibly) utilize for 3 months of the Canadian year.

Shakka doesn't want to change schools, which while being perfectly understandable (her school is fabulous as it goes) makes the search a LOT more difficult & hugely limits our choice.

Tattoo Man, well, he is pretty easy to please at this point. He wants a view & a garage!!

Now, back to the sale......... what we need are a steady stream of potential purchasers who will notice once inside that I have taken most of the magnets & photos off the fridge.

They won't care that we have carpet on the stairs & in 2 bedrooms.
Should they notice the 5 ft Motley Crue (circa 1986 & tastefully framed in a VERY expensive leather piece) poster on the family room wall, one hopes that they will smile & relive (In their imagination only) the fabulous era that was Hair Metal, pointing out to their 12 year old that the 'blond one' was their favorite!

As they tread carefully around the drum kit, amplifiers & multiple guitars hopefully they will also notice the air exchanger & the plumbing for the central vac!!
Not to mention the garboretor & gorgeous wood burner.

I'm waiting with baited breath for the remarks about the 'orange' (yes, in a moment (8 weeks actually) of madness last October I painted the oak cabinets orange) cabinets in the kitchen.This can be rectified for not an absurd amount of money!!!



Finally when they exit the garage there is a possibility that they may even make an offer on the '89' Chev Caprice..........

In writing this I would like to make the following points to those of you searching for a house.

The fridge does still function with the pics & magnets. If you dare comment on all the crap stuck to the door you are nothing more than a hypocrite.....I can guarantee that it will be covered with your similarly unnecessary & identically ugly, messy crap within a week of exchange & the fridge WILL still function.
My musical taste is none of your frigging business........think back to your youth, who's posters adorned your wall? Boy George perhaps or maybe Haircut 100.....back to reality people.
My poster is a collectors item!!

Carpet is not distasteful. It keeps my feet warm in the mornings & stops a good percentage of any shagging noise carrying through to the rooms underneath!!

The red garage door makes the house stand out & actually helps to find it during the shit that is a Canadian winter!

If you don't like the light fittings it doesn't fucking matter. Seriously, how many of you sit/stand looking at the ceiling????

On this occasion I feel it inappropriate to continue (although I could & for a LONG time) as I really do want you to feel that this is the perfect home for you, or someone you know & in offending you further I suspect you won't even call!!!

Happy house hunting ;) .......................... Bring it on :)

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