Christmas shopping

YES, you read it correctly, it does say Christmas shopping.....

& on that note, here is what Tattoo man & myself thought we would do this year.



In Canada, during TV commercial breaks, companies (who would probably fail miserably to sell their goods in stores) harass the crap out of the consumer, by attempting to sell their merchandise via the mail!!

I was once convinced that was was a complete load of old bollocks, but having watched so many of these commercials & weighing the Pros & Con's (& after possibly being brainwashed) I may just be convinced that this is a good deal......



"Just give us your credit card details & we will double or even treble your purchase" is often a hook they attempt to grab you with, well, let me tell you, it may have finally worked!!



No more long line ups at the checkout, no sub zero temperatures, no chance of contracting vomititis, streaming snot bugs & man flu viruses in the crowded Mall...............

Just sit in your Lay Z Boy & pick up the phone.



Let me give you some examples of the exemplary gifts people may receive from us this year after much thought & consideration.......................



Snuggie.....A blanket with arms (WHAT, I hear you say??) yes, a garment that is nothing more than a long cardigan (made from 'fluffy' material) worn backwards, superb......... but won't your back get cold, where are the buttons/ the zipper & hold on a minute wouldn't it be a damned sight easier to just put on a sweater........



You really need to see these commercials to get the full effect of how absolutely fucking incredulous they actually are (Maybe watch the Shopping Channel for an hour to get a better idea)



ARE YOU GETTING THE IDEA YET???



Super epoxy.......presented for your viewing delight by the guy with the beard, who shouts at viewers as he supposes they are all hard of hearing (well Tattoo man is, but that's irrelevant)

You too, can spend 10 minutes of your life blending this putty like product together, before sticking it to the back of the shelf brackets, that you will then attach to the wall in the living room. GREAT , but oh dear...... doesn't the surplus product look unsightly bulging out from under the brackets.......

& why, god, why, would you attempt to mould a handle for a mug that has had it's original one snapped off, when they sell new mugs complete in the dollar store for, well $1!! (YES approximately $14 cheaper than the product you are fixing it with!!)



I suppose you could give the broken mug with the product (as a gift) & pass it off as a skill testing game??



Automatic plant waterers.....fill them with water & insert into your plant pots.

In theory a fantastic idea, but I wonder how much water is still inside this little glass beauty when it hits the soil?

Did no one realize that most people watching are probably aware of the facts regarding gravitational pull, & water being a liquid, which when tipped up will land all over the surface underneath it??



I was actually thinking that they would be more useful for consuming a yard of ale, or perhaps even as a gentleman's night potty, but alas they don't have a flat bottom, which in the case of the latter would mean a trip to the bathroom to empty the damn thing, therefore rendering it (yet again) useless!!!!

Now that gives me a great segue.....



Cue next product!!



SHAMWOW, the alternative to kitchen paper, never again spend $20 a month on paper products for the kitchen!!! (That's what they say on the commercial)



Look here mate, I don't know what kind of filth & squalor you live in, but I have a dog , a 9 year old & a husband & I probably use 3 rolls of Bounty a month......... maximum!! ($3, if that!!)



Besides which, if you left the pop (that you are supposedly mopping up in your commercial) under the carpet that you spilled it on it the first place & then attempted once again to clean up said spill,l I think you would come out looking an even bigger tit than you already do, give up & get a real job!!



Hold on a second, this really IS is bollocks.......

Why would I seriously devote more time to this crap, I won't & you know why, only a total fucking moron would actually purchase this shit.



Lets put this into perspective............My 9 year old (yes 9) pulls these commercials apart on a regular basis, even referring to Mr Beard as a 'Referee' on more than one occasion



NOTE: OK so she called him a Wanker, which I do not condone you understand, even if the Referee is a Wanker!!



The rest of us will continue to take the piss relentlessly, while wishing the 'actors' promoting this shit, would disappear off to the Galapagos islands for a well deserved 25 year break!!



Friends & family, you will be getting real gifts once again this year & it looks like me & Tattoo man will be facing another case of Xmas mayhem & viral sharing!!!!



Ho Ho Ho