Shit show

Wow, I cannot believe how long it has been since I dropped in here. I have had a lot going on.  Not all good things, some great, some very harrowing.  But still I am managing to find the funny in some occurrences, in the long run.
I have been quite sick for the last year and throughout I have been poked and prodded by this Dr and that Quack.  It's uncomfortable and very unglamorous, but needs must.
On a recent visit to the University of Alberta Hospital I was required to have a CT scan. Preparation for this included NO food for at least 8 hours prior and then on arrival an IV was hooked up.  Great, but I appear to have 0 accessible veins.  Eventually, after being wrapped in hot towels and more slapping than a second rate porn flick, a vein was finally located half way up my arm. Hematomas are us!
Then came a half gallon of water, polluted by vile tasting dye designed to make my innards pretty for the camera.  I was already at bladder burst point at this point and being made to wait another half an hour, whilst coughing like a 40 a day old boy with Emphysema was not helping.
The scan went off no hitch, but soon after I realized why no food was on the menu and I ran to the nearest bog.  As I sat, I noticed blood all over the floor.  Jeez, I thought, someone bled out.  Then I glanced down at my left hand.  It too was blood covered.  Seems it was me.  So not only did I now have the screaming shits, I was pissing out blood all over the wash room 
Gingerly I leant forward off the loo and pressed the emergency button.  Soon after there was a knocking on the door.
The person on the other side asked me to unlock.  I did so hoping that I didn't add to the mess I had already made.  A second later three more people were in the wash room with me and the door was swinging on it's hinges.
After some frantic scuffling, my Mount St Helens spurting arm was stopped and there was me and one nurse left.  "Shall I clean up the blood now?" she asked me.  I was still sitting on the loo, stunned by anyones standards and still needing to finish my business.  ""You know, I think I'll just give you a shout when I'm done?" I semi-questioned.
Fortunately, the scan showed little more than a prior case of Pancreatitis and some Pancreatic nucleus cyst, nothing major or life threatening.  I am still undergoing tests....... but at least I survived that shit show!